I have a lot of worthwhile goals I am trying to accomplish. The readership for this blog is growing. I have three book projects in the works, one bearing down on me this month. Each of these projects cause me to study the Word and wrestle with God over what He is saying, particularly to His daughters. I WANT to do these things. They bring me joy. They make me think.
Then up walks my 3 year old asking me to play Candyland with him. I love my 3 year old, but I hate Candyland. It doesn’t make me think, and it does not bring me joy. Neither does finding his harmonica or putting together the United States puzzle. Tuesday as I studied Hebrews in preparation for a women’s Bible study that night at a friend’s house, it slowly dawned on me how often I put him off when he asks something of me. I’m a “stay at home” mom. I’m with him the vast majority of the day. But though I’m with him physically, I’m often far away mentally. I am very skilled at occupying him so that I can get my worthwhile projects (the ones that are fulfilling to me) done.
You don’t need to lecture me. I already know the truth. THEY are my worthwhile project. But raising them is such a slow, steady process that I lose sight of the value. I like short-term projects that I can see a worthwhile result after minimal time. I find joy when I can hold the end project in my hands and admire it after the fact. But long-term endurance and perseverance for decades is much harder. And sometimes I am just afraid—I know I can’t control the outcome of this project and fear that the more I invest the bigger my let down when they reject me or the gospel. I’ve experienced enough disappointment in life to know that they may very well one day profoundly disappoint me. So I like projects I can control. That won’t disappoint me.
While studying Hebrews at our Bible study Tuesday night, we were all reminded of the hope that will not disappoint.
Romans 9:33 just as it is written,”BEHOLD, I LAY IN ZION A STONE OF STUMBLING AND A ROCK OF OFFENSE, AND HE WHO BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.”
Romans 10:11 For the Scripture says, “WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.”
In light of that hope which will NOT disappoint me, I can live with my concerns about lesser hopes that may disappoint. No matter how well I attempt to train them, my boys may or may not get in trouble at school, they may or may not make wise choices with girls, they may or may not want to go on mission trips or serve God in ministry. But I know that when I sit at the marriage feast with Jesus and it is all said and done, I will not be disappointed. I don’t really know anything other than that. But I do know that. I will NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.
So I put down the lesser projects that I can control and reengaged with the greater project that I can’t control. Yesterday I played Candyland, set up train tracks, put together a puzzle, watched bike riding in the garage, and explained the story behind the pictures in the children’s Bible. It is all an act of faith with God. I can’t control any of it, and that’s okay. Because whatever happens now, I know I will not be disappointed when I finally see Jesus face to face and take my place beside Him for eternity. All my hopes will be satisfied. All will be well.