Longing for grace toward ourselves

As I grow in my understanding of the word grace, I have been inspired to endure with others. The post last week on enduring grace with those we love hit a nerve with readers. It seems readers here have felt similarly inspired. God’s instructions on gracious, enduring love are clear in Scripture, and their value makes great sense to me.

“… as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.  

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. 

(Luke 6:31-36 ESV; note that the words benefit and credit are the Greek charis, which is also translated grace)

As I grow in understanding my need to give grace and unconditional love to others, I’ve noted a longing in myself of late. As I am convicted to endure with others, I long deeply for others to endure with me. When I suffer long in love, I wonder who will suffer long with me. When I give the benefit of the doubt, I ache for safe relationships who will give me the benefit of the doubt as well. When I work to not keep a record of wrongs in my head, I struggle in the knowledge of those who would keep a record against me.

I did have a sweet moment before Christmas that was meaningful to me. I got caught in traffic and was late for dinner with a friend. Then after we finally started eating, I got a call from someone else who needed unconditional love and support from me. I felt torn—someone needed something from me, but I expected my friend would be justifiably annoyed that she had made time for our dinner but it seemed that I had not. Instead, my friend DID extend such grace to me. She gave me the benefit of the doubt, encouraged me in the most needed peer pressure in Christianity, and then paid for my dinner. Her response blessed my parched soul. 

But ultimately that act by my friend couldn’t meet the soul-deep longing in my heart for unconditional love and grace that empowers me to extend it to the next person. I continue to have moments of deep longing – who will extend grace to me? Who will give me the benefit of the doubt? I feel alarm that if I don’t get it right, if I raise my voice, if I give rise to hard emotions, if I say what I’m really thinking, that I’ll only get blame and condemnation. Who will give me the benefit of the doubt that is a core element of the love I feel God instructs me to give others? 

I’ve cried out in prayer over this. Lord, I need grace. I need unconditional love. I need someone to be the friend to me that I feel called to be to others. I long for the friend that I can expose the dark places of my heart and receive encouragement and enduring love. Honestly, I do have those types of friends who minister such grace to me. But I am not around them enough for it to make a long term difference in those parched places in my soul. In fact, I suspect it is impossible for them to satisfy that deep need in my heart.

I have however heard nearly audible words from the Holy Spirit. I’m not sure He said it out loud, but I certainly heard it clearly in my ear.

“I extend you that grace, Wendy.”

God extends me that grace! Which is the entire point of grace. God extends us that grace. God loves us with that unconditional love. God pursues the harlot even though she rejected His first and second efforts (Hosea). God comes running toward His child even though his/her efforts to return to Him are ridiculously underwhelming (the Prodigal Son). While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. That’s the entire point Jesus is making in Luke 6. We can extend that grace to others because that is the kind of grace that God extends to us. We are merciful to others, because He is merciful to us.

During those moments when I long for someone on earth to extend to me a Luke 6 kind of grace, the sweetest balm to my soul (and the only balm that sustains me for the long haul) is the Holy Spirit’s whispering, “I extend you that kind of grace. All day, every day. I love you this way.” Human unconditional grace to me blesses me for moment, and I need it. But God’s unconditional grace is the only thing that can sustain me for the long term. I’m going to write next week on the nature of this daily grace God gives, but for now, I am meditating on the simple fact of its unconditional existence and how the existence of this grace of God to me then empowers me to extend it outward.

2 Cor. 12:9 … My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

12 Responses to Longing for grace toward ourselves

  1. Jack Kaspersson January 27, 2013 at 10:42 pm #

    Friendship is elusive and once acquired is not easily kept in repair or transported from one stage of life to the next …
    Fellowship is available and oh so sweet … but it is not always a good match for one's immediate schedule or appetite …
    God's good grace is overwhelmingly abundant and more than sufficient for those who would seek first prayer and worship before friends and fellowship …

  2. Luma Simms January 28, 2013 at 12:56 am #

    You make me want to jump on a plane and come up to Seattle so we can give each other hugs. 🙂

    I'm glad you heard what you heard. From someone who has her own soul afflictions and has ached and wrestled in that same way, I can say that the grace of Jesus Christ himself, given in extra measure at special times, is the only thing that fills that need… and yet, friend, the aching will never completely end in this life… only at the eschaton. By saying this, I do not mean to diminish the fact that the Lord also works through means, through each other. We are to love one another and give that kind of grace to each other. So he fills us directly and he fills us indirectly through others. But always in his ways, in his timing, etc. And yet, we cry out for more because in the end nothing can satisfy but being in his presence.

  3. feedonhim January 28, 2013 at 12:58 am #

    Please tell me how to encourage/ change (smile) someone who WON'T extend that kind of grace to others. I keep encouraging this person in my life to offer alibis for the person who annoys him/ cuts him off/ etc…..
    I THINK I offer this person in my life lots of grace…so to say, “model grace to him” which is logical…doesn't seem to work.


  4. Luma Simms January 28, 2013 at 1:00 am #

    And Wendy, I say this to you right now from my own state of weakness. I want strength, He gives weakness. And I must see this as a grace.

  5. Wendy January 28, 2013 at 2:11 am #

    Hugs to you, Luma. I trust God will hold you tight and speak to you strong encouragement in the midst of your weakness.

  6. Wendy January 28, 2013 at 2:16 am #

    That's the million dollar question. I've never had much success with others. But I have seen the Spirit do it a time or two. 🙂 Prayer. The Word. The Spirit. I don't know of anything else that changes people, and the supernatural power within those is not easily controlled by man.

    Keep the faith though. When you sit with Jesus in heaven, you will not regret one moment of encouragement and unconditional grace you offered.

  7. Anonymous January 28, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

    Yes, Wendy….you did not try to “fix” Luma, you just gave substance to her feelings and loved her!!!

  8. Anonymous January 28, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

    painful, painful process, isn’t it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v470xZhxRDc&feature=related

    Christ in us, the hope of glory. Col 1:27b for of His fullness we have all received and grace upon grace. John 1:16 and let endurance have its perfect result so that we may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:4

  9. Callie January 28, 2013 at 2:51 pm #

    Sometime I count that deep longing as selfishness and judging of others. Ugh. It starts a bad chain reaction for me.

  10. Anonymous January 28, 2013 at 2:52 pm #

    Speaking to my heart. Just went through a year and a half of being alone after the ending of a 13 year best friendship. Shook me to the core. As I am beginning to come out of the end of it I look around and I realize I have no girlfriends. My heart is alone and broken and all I have is Christ. The one who sticks closer than a brother. But my heart aches for human friendship too. I would love to say that God's gifts of unconditional grace and love have been enough and all I wanted during this time but that would be a lie. Longing to be able to say with a full heart of joy “Christ is enough!”

  11. Wendy January 28, 2013 at 3:53 pm #

    Anonymous, I don't mean this post to discount the value of human relationships. In perfection, when it was just God and Adam, God said it was not good for Adam to be alone. We need relationship and community, and I hope that you will find sisters in Christ who will love and encourage you in your walk with Christ.

  12. Kristin Conniff January 28, 2013 at 5:16 pm #

    Wendy! This is EXACTLY where I am and what I am struggling with right now. I am amazed at how God continues to speak into my specific life through you. Be blessed. I look forward to your next post and in the meantime, join you in meditating on this.